What Married Me Learned from Single Me
As a twenty-something, semi-newlywed, curious-minds often ask, "How is married life!?"
My response is usually some version of, "Great! I don't know why people complain about it so much!" I'm not being sarcastic- I actually mean that.
In today's contemporary society, marriage, especially marriage at age twenty-two, can be viewed as the ultimate roadblock to fun. My generation has come to accept self-satisfaction and "YOLO" as the meter by which we measure our value. These values are only able to be fully realized in the single or dating phase of life which effectively removes me from the "young and fun" cohort. I am no less susceptible to the pressures of youth, beauty, and adventure as the peak of existence, and it wasn't without adjustment that I settled into my new role as "wife". Fortunately, though, my experience in marriage has altered my envy of the single me.
So instead of second-guessing my choice of marriage while my counterparts are out mingling, I have reached a point of satisfaction with my life of marriage.
Here are my reasons why:
1. Peace. Whenever I pledged to spend the rest of my life to my husband, I meant it. A resulting sense of peace moved into my heart as a replacement to the worries and doubts my single life entailed. Thoughts resembling, "Will I live alone and turn into a cat lady?" (I don't even like cats), and "I'm not worthy of a man's love," were the all too common lies whispered in my ear by the evil one himself. Marrying my husband did not stop the whispers of discontentment, but it did bring me to the acceptance that my husband has promised to love me forever. The peace brought forth by the acceptance of unconditional love in marriage far outweighs the conditional parameters of dating which so often preoccupied my mind.
2. Control. This is the big kahuna. I am a control freak, and I drive myself crazy. Single me was obsessive and moody because I felt the weight of caring for myself emotionally, physically and financially. Married me has been taught a divine lesson in the beauty of weakness. Marriage is truly an image of the gospel, and it is all the more defined when you experience it for the first time. After my first year of marriage, I had appendix surgery which left me virtually helpless (did you know you use your stomach muscles for Everything!?). My husband cared for me in my most literal moment of weakness. He picked me up to pee, washed my hair in the bathtub, and cooked every meal. I have been blessed to have had control taken away from me and given to my husband. In my single life, I struggled to give control away to God and He has taught me how to loosen the reins through marriage.
3. Fun. Bet you didn't see this one coming? Marriage can be really fun, especially when you're married to your best friend. I never thought I could top my crazy college nights of spontaneity and impulsivity, but I have a rediscovered a child-like fun in marriage. Growing up, I often spent many nights laughing with my friends while daring each other to eat gross combinations of food or making up dances to N'Sync songs. I can remember the purity in all the hysteria, and now I experience the same pure joy with my husband. Even though I attend far less parties and curl my hair next to never, I have just as much fun as I did pre-marriage. Whether my husband and I are doing something random like speaking in accents or witnessing each other at every clumsy moment, we are always together to laugh and enjoy the moment. I truly gained another "partner in crime" when I married my husband.
I guess I write this to not only explain what I've learned to my own psyche but also to reflect on the meaningfulness of every life phase. As I grow into my role as a wife and mourn the loss of single me, I come to terms with the gifts of marriage and my place in life. All this to say, enjoy where you're at and appreciate where you're going because you're experiencing something uniquely wonderful that will one day be your past.
My response is usually some version of, "Great! I don't know why people complain about it so much!" I'm not being sarcastic- I actually mean that.
In today's contemporary society, marriage, especially marriage at age twenty-two, can be viewed as the ultimate roadblock to fun. My generation has come to accept self-satisfaction and "YOLO" as the meter by which we measure our value. These values are only able to be fully realized in the single or dating phase of life which effectively removes me from the "young and fun" cohort. I am no less susceptible to the pressures of youth, beauty, and adventure as the peak of existence, and it wasn't without adjustment that I settled into my new role as "wife". Fortunately, though, my experience in marriage has altered my envy of the single me.
So instead of second-guessing my choice of marriage while my counterparts are out mingling, I have reached a point of satisfaction with my life of marriage.
Here are my reasons why:
1. Peace. Whenever I pledged to spend the rest of my life to my husband, I meant it. A resulting sense of peace moved into my heart as a replacement to the worries and doubts my single life entailed. Thoughts resembling, "Will I live alone and turn into a cat lady?" (I don't even like cats), and "I'm not worthy of a man's love," were the all too common lies whispered in my ear by the evil one himself. Marrying my husband did not stop the whispers of discontentment, but it did bring me to the acceptance that my husband has promised to love me forever. The peace brought forth by the acceptance of unconditional love in marriage far outweighs the conditional parameters of dating which so often preoccupied my mind.
2. Control. This is the big kahuna. I am a control freak, and I drive myself crazy. Single me was obsessive and moody because I felt the weight of caring for myself emotionally, physically and financially. Married me has been taught a divine lesson in the beauty of weakness. Marriage is truly an image of the gospel, and it is all the more defined when you experience it for the first time. After my first year of marriage, I had appendix surgery which left me virtually helpless (did you know you use your stomach muscles for Everything!?). My husband cared for me in my most literal moment of weakness. He picked me up to pee, washed my hair in the bathtub, and cooked every meal. I have been blessed to have had control taken away from me and given to my husband. In my single life, I struggled to give control away to God and He has taught me how to loosen the reins through marriage.
3. Fun. Bet you didn't see this one coming? Marriage can be really fun, especially when you're married to your best friend. I never thought I could top my crazy college nights of spontaneity and impulsivity, but I have a rediscovered a child-like fun in marriage. Growing up, I often spent many nights laughing with my friends while daring each other to eat gross combinations of food or making up dances to N'Sync songs. I can remember the purity in all the hysteria, and now I experience the same pure joy with my husband. Even though I attend far less parties and curl my hair next to never, I have just as much fun as I did pre-marriage. Whether my husband and I are doing something random like speaking in accents or witnessing each other at every clumsy moment, we are always together to laugh and enjoy the moment. I truly gained another "partner in crime" when I married my husband.
I guess I write this to not only explain what I've learned to my own psyche but also to reflect on the meaningfulness of every life phase. As I grow into my role as a wife and mourn the loss of single me, I come to terms with the gifts of marriage and my place in life. All this to say, enjoy where you're at and appreciate where you're going because you're experiencing something uniquely wonderful that will one day be your past.
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