A Loud Mind

My mind whispers thoughts endlessly, thoughts of criticism, insecurity, routine and obligation. An incoming train of words and admonishments- memories of joy and the pitfalls of mistakes. Only the deepest sleep allowing the switch to be turned and blackness to drain out the constant holler of my mind.
A peaceful state is a distant dream. This is an affliction of the mind, an unending form of anxiety attacking the core of functioning. Failures, missteps and embarrassments play their picture show without the viewer’s consent. A compulsion of counting through clenched teeth pushes me through the scene.
How do I turn it off? How do I halt the thoughts?
I’m frozen at a railroad crossing with no end of this eternal train in sight.  I pray these words out loud to drown the internal drum:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it. (Psalm 139:1-6)

I repeat the praises until I find rest; until my mind finds solace in the hands of God. I am hemmed into the fabric of grace, and I am completely covered: A blanket of peace that shrouds even the most boisterous of fears.