Only Child: Expiring Soon

As I anticipate the arrival of my second child, I find myself staring at my first daughter mourning the impending loss of her “only child” status. She has no idea what’s about to hit, but I know. I have loved every second of having my girl with all attention devoted to her, not to be diverted by any other important, yet secondary, thing. I was ready to have a child when I had her, and it’s been a dream. Don’t get me wrong, it’s also been hard- but mostly a dream. In the same way, I knew I was ready to have another child. I am so excited to hold a sweet, precious baby and watch all the fun milestones that come with the exceedingly rapid growth of babies. The most surprising feeling though is sadness. I am sad that I won’t be able to give my all to my first all the time. I am sad that she may struggle with the change in relationship and big sister status. I am sad that my worries will be split between her and another child. I think I am sad mostly because I am afraid my capacity of love will somehow be diminished once I have a second. From everything I’ve been told, this isn’t true. But it’s still a fear until my heart swells to 2x the size to fit all that love for my babies. It’s such a scary thing to love that much.



My #1 girl will always be just that- my first time falling in love with a child, my first time figuring how to mom, my first time crying because I’m so tired and then crying because I love her so much I don’t care that I’m tired. She was my first experience in loving a daughter unconditionally and that has been an experience like no other.



My prayer is that our relationship will remain so close you have to peel us apart. My fear is there will be another child to love that will change the dynamics of my relationship with her. Relationships with children change, and I eventually will have to loosen my “mom claws” so my daughters don’t utterly despise me at 12 years old (cue eyeroll, eyeroll, eyeroll). I was a teenager once, I know this story well. I’m just not quite ready to lose that sweetness with my first. How do you explain to a 2-year-old that she holds such a special place without initiating a favoritism battle from the get-go? I am expecting my first to be an amazing big sister- I just hope momma can get through the change as well as I know she can.